tigerpants's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, crap. I�ve been pondering this issue all day, and I can�t decide if I screwed things up, or if them�s just the breaks. Ok, so like a week ago or so, our boss guy sent out an email telling us all how he�d like the project we�re currently working on to go. He was heading out of town for the last shoot, and since we were already in the bay editing, he sent out some guidelines of how each segment should go, and what should be in there. So I go into the bay, and basically scrabble something together from the footage that we currently had in and available for use. The thing was, it wasn�t great. And I knew it. We didn�t shoot hardly anything at this particular location, since we were trying to give our subject a break, but SOMEONE decided to make this entire segment about this location, regardless of the fact that we didn�t have the footage to tell the story. So I put together what I can. And then the next night, as more footage is trickling in, I put in some more stuff. And then my co-AP, who is also my roommate, goes in, and works on it some more. So she was in the bay for the next few nights, and I was back in the office during the day, doing lots and lots of boring paperwork. Anyway, the boss guy comes back, and finally takes a look at what we�ve been doing, and says to my roommate �That�s not what I wanted at all.� Ugh. I just feel horrible about this. I mean, we didn�t have much to work with, so I tried to tell the story he wanted with what was there. And he does know this. But now I�m obsessing over the fact that he didn�t like it, so now, maybe, he thinks I�m incompetent, and will go on thinking I�m only good at boring paperwork, and will repeat that to all and sundry. Ugh, ugh. And furthermore, what if it�s true? Ugh. I don�t want to be good at paperwork. It�s how I got stuck being an AP for 800 years. I can�t help it if I just think of things. Dude, there are other people out there like me. Just fire people that don�t think of things. You don�t have to put up with that shit. I don�t know. I�ve really been thinking about this. I mean, I started on this project a week before my roommate, so I started on all the paperwork a week before her. Fair enough. When she came in to work, she immediately started on the night shift, since I was already in that day. We jumped back and forth that week, which is a little brutal, since the night shift ends at 3, and we usually come in around 10 in the morning. Not a huge pain, but a little brutal. Anyway, she�s been doing some good work editing, and I really didn�t want to spend another month being here until all hours, so I haven�t really protested. But I wonder if I should have stepped up and volunteered to edit more. Just to demonstrate my ability. Even though the guy I�m working with knows I�ve been editing for years, and knows I can, I worry that he�ll think I�m bad at it, because I didn�t give him what he asked for in that one segment. Am I thinking about this too much? Did I screw up by not taking more edit sessions? I mean, I�ll be in again tomorrow night, but then my roommate volunteered to work the weekend, because she�s being paid to do so, and I�m not. I don�t know. The VP of this department wants to talk to me tomorrow, and I�m concerned she�s going to offer me a position on the next project like this one, as an AP. I�m so totally not interested in the project. It�s about a person I have no interest in, and it�s being supervised by someone I�ve worked with before, and that wasn�t a pleasant experience. But do I have the right to turn down work? Especially if it�s only for a month? Who am I to turn down work? Am I killing my career by taking these jobs at a lower rank? Does it look bad? Oy. It�s possible I�m thinking about this way too much. But it�s so frustrating to know that I�m turning 31 in less than a week, and I�m still trying to fight to earn a reasonable salary, and get just a little bit of respect from people that don�t seem to like me very much, and yet keep calling me to work for them. It always feels to me like they�re trying to hold me back. Like they don�t want me to succeed. It�s fine for me to learn things and develop various skills, but don�t think for a second that they�re going to appreciate those skills, get paid for them, or, y�know, care. Where�s the love, Evil Company? Add on top of this my father, who is once again attempting to fly himself out here for my birthday. Oy. I don�t get this at all. Does the man not know that he�s 74? Why would you even do that to yourself? And why would you once again try to screw me over on my birthday? Can you not just get on a plane and come here if you�re so darn determined to spend my birthday with me? Or even, I don�t know, leave a couple days early? Dude, he plans to leave tomorrow or the next day, and roll in here on Tuesday, just in time. Or as I like to call it, cutting it a little too close. So, once again, I have no plans for my birthday, and will probably attempt to assemble a small group of people in some last-minute effort. Yick. It is true that I have now a decade�s worth of mostly crap birthdays under my belt, and it�s sort of tradition now, but man. We need to cut that shit out. There�s still time to plan some sort of shindig. I mean, there�s no rule stating that it has to be ON my birthday, right? How much fun could a Tuesday night party be, anyway? It was bagel Thursday at work today, and I once again had to watch a number of people abuse and offend their bagels. Seriously, people. How hard is it to cut your bagel open? Just grab that puppy with one hand, and cut with the other. You know how people like to stand that bad boy up on it�s side and then cut it open? Yeah, that never really works well, does it? That is SO the gentile way of cutting bagels. It�s like y�all can�t quite manage the bagel, or what�s going on there with it�s round, confusing sides. It�s not tricky. And I�m still bothered by bagel gutting. I don�t get this at all. How is inch-deep flavored cream cheese ever tasty? Yick. Tomorrow, as the first day of birthday warm-up, I�m going to get a pedicure, get my car washed, and maybe have a Krispy Kreme. Like I said, I have to work tomorrow night, but then I actually get the weekend off, so I hope to squeeze in a movie or two, followed by the shopping I wasn�t able to do last weekend. All right. Get out of here. Go on. I have to go watch some Amazing Race. I hear it was actually Amazing this week. Yay! I still have a copy of the first Blind Justice sitting here on my desktop. Did anyone watch that? Was it any good? Should I just trash it? Answers, people! I need �em, pronto. � 2004-2005 Tigerpants Nation (Rebecca Gross) 9:24 p.m. - 2005-03-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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