tigerpants's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Down, then up Did you ever wake up one morning and think that the life you�re living is maybe not the life you thought you�d have? I mean, I assume everyone does this. I�m not the type of person to think that these things only ever happen to me. I always assume everyone gets these feelings every once in a while. But it�s annoying, isn�t it? I mean, you look around you, and you think, well, the job? It�s fine. And the apartment? Fine, too. It�s not like I�m living in a box on the street. I don�t have any horrible diseases. I�m relatively healthy. Fat, but healthy. I can pay my rent consistently. And my bills. I have generous parents who spend entirely too much on me on a regular basis. I have a brother who calls to tell me when he�s found a different Law and Order on at least 3 different channels at the same time. But honestly? I thought there�d be more at this point. I thought I�D be more at this point. Better qualified. Better off. Happier. Further in my life and career. The path that�s considered the norm isn�t necessarily the norm for everyone, and I certainly don�t think that where I am now is where I�ll always be. But it�s disconcerting when you�re in the middle of a situation that doesn�t seem right. Seems off-center, somehow. Crooked. I just finished up a month off from my career. It was fabulous. My parents were very concerned that I�d never work again. They�re not quite comprehending the whole freelance thing, and that it does work sometimes for some people. I turned down 2 jobs during that time because I wasn�t done doing the things I�d put aside that month to do. I did finally accept this current job because it was the correct job title, and because it was time. I said I�d take a month off. I did. I didn�t get everything done, but I had my month. I may take another month off some day. The job I took was only supposed to last a week and a half, but when I went in on Wednesday, there was some drama, and it now looks as though I�ll be there right up to the day I leave for NY, in late July. Handy, as it�ll be some good money for my trip, but annoying, because I had a project or two that I still wanted to finish before my trip, and now I�ll have to work around the job. As I was walking through the building today, the gang I used to work with approached me and asked me to keep August and part of September open for them, as the Emmys are approaching, so that should keep me employed for a while yet. Once again, that�s convenient. Fine. But I�m still not certain it�s great. That it�s great for me. That it�s not just another job to pass the time. But it might be. It�s hard for me to tell. It�s hard to make sense of your own life when you�re in the middle of living it. But seriously. Y�all check with me tomorrow? I�ll be back to myself. Well, maybe not. I�m going to be pissed off tomorrow because I�ve been back to work for three days now, and they�re already taking advantage of me, but at least they�re paying me, so I�ll try not to be too pissed off about it. I can�t promise anything, but I�ll try. This weekend will feature a movie, a day of work, and a barbecue. Oh, and more laundry than you can shake a stick at. Though why you�d shake a stick at your laundry is beyond me. HA! I slay me. See? An hour later, and I�m already a bit better. � 2004-2005 Tigerpants Nation (Rebecca Gross) 12:30 a.m. - 2005-07-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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