tigerpants's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear G-d, what is that thing? I�d like to just get something off my chest, here and now, if you don�t mind. Blazing hot temperatures do not give you permission to just put stuff on without thought for your fellow mall-goers. It�s just mean. Seriously, y�all. Cruising through the mall today I saw all manner of fashion atrocities. Perhaps even Acts of Fashion War. Though I�m a native Floridian, even I can agree that it was, as the kids used to say, hella hot outside. But you know what? You�re INSIDE. In the MALL. Where they keep the A/C on about 60 degrees throughout the year. So you don�t need to go around flaunting your fashion refugee status to the unsuspecting masses. I mean, I get it. I was really hot, too. For the 30-second walk from the mall to my car. But I still managed to not expose every square acre of flesh. Just because your friend talked you into those mega-short shorts at Old Navy that one time doesn�t mean you have to wear them. It�s ok to rethink such decisions. Also, it�s ok to buy the mega-short shorts in YOUR SIZE. Really. No need to have the rolls of fat hanging over the top just because you�re really a six, dammit! Go get the eight. It�s Old Navy. They cut �em funny there. Ask anyone. In addition, it�s perfectly acceptable to buy tank tops that come all the way down to your shorts. Especially if you�re going to traipse around in the previously-mentioned too-small shorts. Having the rolls of fat is not a crime. POINTING OUT the rolls of fat to everyone by highlighting them in a cropped shirt is not your brightest move. And just as an aside, what�s with the new mom uniform? I can�t tell you how many moms I saw today in blousy capris, a tiny tank, and heels. How bizarre is that? There they were, in their new uniform, pushing the stroller and dragging behind them a small basketball team of children. Aren�t they uncomfortable in heels? Isn�t this a situation screaming for jeans and sensible shoes? And so, I beseech you, mall-goers, to think of your shopping comrades before you head out. Perhaps you really are comfortable digging cotton out of your crotch every 3rd step or so, but is that really something we should all know about you? If you�re unsure of your clothing choices, there are resources. Stacy and Clinton are a bit catty, but always right. If you�re still in doubt, consider this site the complete guide to what not to wear. Don�t even get me started on flip-flops. A convenient beach item turned into couture? Please. I strongly suspect that the truly dedicated flip-flop lover has never actually worn any on the beach, where the piping hot sand gets between your toes and is slowly driven into your flesh by that damn nubby thing holding the �shoe� on your foot. Oh, yeah, you can walk down to the water and rinse them off, but how are you getting back to the car, there, genius? Gotta hike right back through that sand that�s well on it�s way towards glass by midday. But I digress. Clothes don�t have to be just utilitarian. Honest. They can also keep you cool AND make you look nice. Try to remember that the next time Old Navy tries to get you to buy some strappy short whosewhatsis all the kids are wearing. Be unique! Buy something that looks fantastic on you for a change. You, and your fellow mall-goers, will be glad you did. � 2004 Tigerpants Nation (Rebecca Gross) 1:10 a.m. - 2004-09-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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